Confusion !

An intermingled state of mind when u are stuck up between choices. we have choices, lack determination and lack a vision of proper targets. We keep on running between these choices one after the other till life decides a choice for us.The worst part why we fail to determine between the choices is that we have fear inside us. on papers we are strong, can console friends and families but when it comes to yourself, we are scared. We always fear of unforseen circumstances which are bound together with fine thread of possibility.Cut short the story, today i am confused because i have two choices.and the tragic part is my both choices are absolute dependent on each other just like the mutually inclusive events of probability theory in mathematics. I don't know if event 1 will happen, not sure if event 2 will happen but just if both of these happen i am sure its a top box for me on this heavenly Earth.MY choices are also bound by fine thread of possibility, best part is they are binded and there is a possibility and bad part is i am not very good in calculation of probabilities. only thing i can do is i can try and wait to get the odds in my fate, but luxury of time is something i don't have.

Marriages are made in heaven !

Some productive unproductive work held me busy for last a month and hence i could not got time to post anything.So, there and back again ...

Exactly a week before i was in Bengaluru (Bangalore) for a official trip. Met my colleagues and along with them also met
my buddies. But the people of the moment were - Tillu and Chanchu.They are getting married on 30th of this month. A 7 year long relationship finally going to reach its ultimate destination - a bill to be together for rest of their life :).

Marriages are made in heaven - its more of a philosophical work of writing. Anytime i hear or read this phrase it doesnot sounds to me more than overacting combination of words. But if i look back at tillu's and chanchu's story this seems to fit perfectly. Tillu met chanchu on their counselling day. Incidentally, luckily, actually or factually they took same college, same branch. from the very first day there was something which attracted tillu towards chanchu and i know this because from the very first day in college me and tillu shared same desk.and there was something more to act as catalyst between them - tillu's rool number 'four' and chanchu's roll number 'five'.

Believe me not every love story have lots of drama. the story of our boy and girl was plain and simple. After spending few days in confusion, with a slight push from friends and determination boy decides and enters the class, girl as usual busy with her friends summoned by the boy - "Anubha hume tumse kuch baat karni hai", Girl with little resistance comes out, boy proposes her outside the classroom, girl begs for time, boy rejects the plea, Girl waves green flag and everybody is happy. That evening we celebrated with a cake at Taste of India - the cake had a message written ..something something "Khare family".

... and now they are going to be a happy Family :).

God bless them !!!

Love at First Sight.

For last three days I was in Ahmedabad. Went to ‘see’ charu’s and Vijju’s gem. But actually it was not a see and go affair. I ended up with falling in love with the gem. Chavi is what I call her and in no mood to change this name till I find a new for her. She is the purest form of addiction I ever had. For her she knows two things Love and care, incidentally both goes hand in hand. I am gleefully in Love and at least today I missed her. I read somewhere big happiness comes in small sizes, I respectfully believe it now. She took barely an hour to hypnotize me to such a state that till the time I stayed I wanted myself to be with her every moment. Possibly I used the title angel for many of my friends, I take this title back and I am not sorry for this because I didn’t had definition of this title clear till I met her. Actually all u idiots go see what exactly an Angle is. She is purest soul. Chavi is yet to celebrate her one month here after she came from venus. She wants all us geeks to learn the art of talking through eyes. Although she have certain affairs and can’t give u attention every time u want but if stars are with you and somehow you managed to get a glare, believe me it certainly feels she made your day.

So, facing all those competitions here, moving on topsy turvy lanes, fighting ourselves and struggling at the work place I believe we – the humans, a tiny part of this universe have a hunger. A hunger of Love. Roti, kapda and makaan is what we aspire but love and care is what we want !!!

And what does successful people have in common ? They all are self made man. Vijju make me realize this is true.

With all those I am back here with laden memories. Charu is a happy mom, Vijju is excited father and I am in love again :)

Growing old !

Friends are getting old. Got to hear from two of my buddies today, one got engaged, other getting enganed in may. Some having their marriages fixed and some have projected deadlines by the end of this year. I still find it tough to think about marriage. It feels horrible. There is nothing except work where I behave like a grown up child. And infact even at work there is a mix of college type fun and work. So still I feel I can’t take this marriage thing. Or I didn’t thought about it properly ? Many are doing so they can’t be all wrong. Yah I know being with someone is most happiest thing that could happen but along with it comes additional dependency. Today I have no dependencies, I can do whatever I like and in the manner I do. I eat at my time, I sleep at my time, I spend like I do and I do whatever I want and is not accountable to anyone. Can I do all these after marriage ? ummm …may be some, but not all. That’s what kills the good thought of “being together”. Parents are ready and seeking, bro is ready with huge list of invitees, friends and more are ready with the plans, but me still looks at sky and ask god, what dude – give me answer to my question, he smiles and says champ just look at the things you’ll learn with time !!!

And this time is like a Microsoft algorithm, so beautifull at the graphic user display (GUi) and so weird in the algorithm. You feels so good when you look at it and feels so bad when think about it. And the striking part is when you are stuck with a problem then this so called “time” is the only one having its solution. What the hell !!!

Happily 26 !

So it was my B’day yesterday and it was all blissful. Started with calls before clock tipped 00 hours. A yummy cake by potter n rupesh and ofcourse b’day bumps. Yesterday I realized how important these b’day bumps are. If I’ll not have those I’ll miss something. And then began the show of phone calls.

Parents are always great. Whatever wrong you do to them they always love you more than ever. Papa being papa wish some thousand years of life with all the wonderfull things. Mumma is far away and asks god to take care of me so she hosted Sundarkand at home. Papa n mumma ur idiot son loves u more than ever.

B’days r always great. Everybody cares for you and the spotlight follows you. How many days in your life can you talk to everyone you know in a single day ? rarely. B’days r such days and your friends make sure you achieve this feat. Got call from everybody I expected. Some still forgot to call, no regrets and no bad feelings for anyone – they might be hell busy :)

So u expect many things and what about somethings u never expected even in your craziest dreams ? Yes, so I also got wishes from two great buddies. I never ever expected I’ll get in touch with them again ever. Midnight brought the things together. With the second one, I believe in the latest advertisement from airtel – Baat karne se hi baat banti hai …. Hehe. So true, I spoke from my heart and the buddy spoke from the heart and by the time I closed the conversation I felt so relaxed and had a feeling like I got something back which I left sometime somewhere way back. Life’s algorithm of bringing the things is strange and unfortunately its not open source. And you see … Hindi picturon ki tarah … end mein hamari life mein sab kuch thik ho hi jata hai …aur agar aisa na ho ….to samjho … picture abhi baaki hai mere dost !!!

So there were nicks and surprises and then there were some more. Team in office planned another celebration. This was just over and I got some more - I got promoted and my payslip got some addition this year. Evening brought another healthy dinner with friends.

What more should I ask for. It was absolutely great. Friends thanks for everything. You people make my life so bright. If I am the sky you people are the stars.

So that’s my story of – Happily 26! So special and So delightfull.

Narayan !!!

Today I will not write about me but will write about one of my closest buddies – Anupam. Its his B’day today. Happy B’day dude. Although I could only manage to talk to him for less than two minutes, but its ok.

So, where to start…. Narayan is just full of life. A riddle master because when he speaks he usually talks in riddles and all sort of puzzles. Sometimes u can’t make out what is he saying and he will say head and tail together and u will not be able to catch him. He love books, have repulsion from bollywood movies, and if you have some kind of competition for data downloading then he will win one of the top three spots. We usually crib over small things in our life, believe me Narayan faced hell out here and I never found him cribbing for even a second. He takes what life has for him so generously. I ask myself this question how can he be happy with all those unsuccessful attempts (I won’t call them as failures because I know he learnt a lot from those)? He knows one thing and that is to move on and continue to work for what you want. If I would have been at his place I could have easily accepted the easiest thing which would have came on my way and rested in peace or may be other option would had been packing my bag and enjoying the comforts at home with parents. From the days when we guys use to share benches in classroom I learnt a lot from him.

Narayan you are a man, a man surely not from earth. I believe very soon you will going to get your gold mine because you spent enough of your potential, energy, time, patience, hard work in the gold hunting. One thing at which you were greedy and missed to give up is your smile. They kept pelting struggles and you kept pelting smile :)

Its Tough and Scary.

Life is tough or we making it tough? When u have things u don’t want, when u don’t have you want it desperately. U strive to do something but you’ll not get the chance. you don’t want to do something and you’ll be forced to do the stuff. You want to be good but you can’t because you are not in good mood. Your mood is good but conditions around will make your mood bad then also you can’t do. Either I am doing something wrong or life is playing scary. Few years back I use to argue with mom there is nothing you call as luck, sorry mumma now I believe there is something u called as luck. No clues how to do it, what to do, when to do, where to do. They say you’ll get to know everything just move on. How to move ? its deep water all around and I don’t know how to swim…

whatever I wrote does it makes sense. NO. exactly that’s how life is playing around. Hope to come out floating and flying high.

A Human Inhuman nature !

Today we are so driven by our deeds that we miss to be a good human. A classic case I am facing now a days. Recently i got few junior colleagues in my team, they are almost freshers so definitely they need time and moreover help from seniors to make the things and work in order. I felt so annoyed today when within an hour I was summoned by three of them to help and after helping two the question that bugged me was why should I help ? I have my own targets and things to do for which I am running out of time and I can’t waste my time. At that moment I missed to think that few days back I was a beginner and when I expected people to listen me and help me around. Sometimes I need help even now and then I expect people to attend my queries.

Now after almost five hours I realize we are running so fast today that we miss out many moments to be a human today. This is not only with us in our work place, we can find ourselves doing this in our day to day life. May be a perfect excuse we can have is –‘ I actually could not’ or ‘that was purely unintentional’ or ‘ let it go man a single attempt will not change anything’ or may be some more. And possibly when we are object we expect a world for us.

Are you acting Human ?

I Start ...

Finally, today I start blogging.

I’ve been thinking to blog for few months or almost I say a year but things went piling up and I never thought to just do it. Why am I blogging ? possibly I want to get heard, possibly I am inspired by the writings of many people around, possibly I just want to write. I feel all of the above. For last two days I am watching Harsha Bhogle’s speech he gave few years back at IIMA and I am very much motivated (it always happens whenever I listen great people) and thought to do it now.

Down the last decade which was the growing period of my life I’ve seen myself transformed from a ultra emotional guy to now a bit emotional guy.Down the years when people grow they become more sorted out, mature and gain consistency in their life. I found i am moving in wrong direction. Today when i am writing this i am highly confused chap. I am really not sure where am i moving and what i want. Its not the matter that i didn't thought, its something that i am not able to sort out the ways, the paths. Being ambitious is good but getting right path is difficult.

Due back in my college time i learnt that to excel you should know to prioritize the things, a good piece of learning, i was doing good with the things but then i did a blunder i also prioritize the relationships. A mistake that i should have not done.Given a chance i want to go back and rectify my mistake but such a chance is only a imagination. Today i feel i left many things and want to just go back to my friends and make out things in order. I kept running for me but forgot there were we, they and us. I will make things better soon.

Whatever is happening now, i will be a bone and not let any dog eat me easily. I will go out and climb the mountains, swim the rivers across.I will run, run and run till i found a stop to stop.

By the way, Charu and Vijju blessed with a Angel on saturday. Just day before yesterday she wanted her mother for everything and today she is herself a mother. Time flows and things change fast. God Bless all.